Tag Archives: extended breastfeeding

Weaning, Whining, and Well-Wishes

Alliterative titles: cutting edge or passe?

First weaning–it’s been rocky, people,  but I think I have found the solution: Chocolate.  A couple of mornings ago, Eleanor was crying, begging to nurse.  I almost started crying myself.  But then my wise, sweet husband rescued me by offering Eleanor a precious treasure:  A Thin Mint Girl Scout cookie.  She took it and was fine.  So now, when she is asking to nurse, I offer her a piece of chocolate instead, and it is getting us over the hump.  She is asking less.

Whining–well, we can save that for later…

Well-wishes.  I have the very, very best friends and family–including my family in Christ–in the world.  I have gotten some of the sweetest cards.  The food offerings have been amazing.  A sweet sister called me on Monday with an offer to order pizza for our family.  I told her I had “canceled” the rest of our meal list because I was doing so well and knew I would need help again after my second surgery.  She said, “Well, I’d like to help you out now and later too.”  So Monday night we had pizza.

Ok, this doesn’t fit into my neat, alliterative title, but the mom of the two boys down the street with whom Silas and Elliot play almost daily came to the door yesterday to pick up one of her sons.  We don’t meet face-to-face very often–our boys usually just run up and down the street to visit with each other, and A (the mom) and I text or talk by phone as needed.  So she hadn’t seen me since all this thyroid business started.  She saw the bandage on my neck (actually a scar-reducing patch) and asked me what was going on.  I saw she had a scar on her neck too.  Because she had thyroid cancer about a year ago.  Same process as me–lobectomy, completion thyroidectomy, then RAI (which I’m hoping will NOT be part of my process) and is now on thyroid replacement.  She sees Dr. S, whom my friend S recommended to me.  I may have to still look him up, but I am going to give Dr. G a chance as my “manager” first.  It’s just one more of those “out of the woodwork” experiences for me.  (There’s the alliteration I missed–Woodwork!)

Ok, now the whining.  As always, feel free to skip the rest of this post if you don’t want to hear me complain.  I will never know the difference! :)

I don’t want to lose my thyroid.  It freaks me out.  I don’t want to deal with the process of trying to adjust my meds so that I feel right.  I don’t want to be dependent upon a drug manufacturer for my life.  I know that this is what we need to do.  I’ve read enough stories over on the Thyca boards to know that even Papillary Carcinoma can spread and grow and make my life awful, and it’s better to get the whole thyroid out and pray no lymph nodes are affected yet.

But I do. not. want. to. depend. on. a. drug. for. my. life.

I am just going to have to get over it.  But I don’t know how.  May the Lord help me overcome my anxiety.  I just have to remember that this life is not what it’s all about.

 

Out of the Woodwork

It’s really amazing how many people have problems with their thyroid.  It reminds me a lot of when I was trying to have my children and had multiple miscarriages along the way.  It was astonishing to me how many people came up to me and said, “You know, that happened to me, too.”  I’m finding the same thing happening now; it seems like everyone knows someone who had thyroid cancer.  Plus I know a LOT of people in person that have other thyroid problems.

For example, while I was on the phone with my friend K talking about my diagnosis and what I was going to do next, another friend of hers texted her and said that she’d been diagnosed with a large thyroid nodule and her doctor wanted to take it out because there was a good chance it was cancer.  So now I have connected with her–my new friend R.

My Dad’s cousin Eugene is having a thyroid lobectomy this week for thyroid cancer.

My Dad emailed me to tell me that my Great Aunt “Teen” (Christine) had surgery for thyroid cancer a LONG time ago.  It’s funny, because growing up I knew she’d had surgery on her throat and that her voice was affected.  I might have known it was for cancer, but I had forgotten all about that until Dad reminded me.

And it seems like the list just keeps going.  Mostly the moms or aunts of my friends, it seems.

So I’m in good company.

I decided yesterday to go “live” with my blog.  So I guess I’m yet another one of those bloggers I wrote about a few weeks ago who has papillary cancer like everyone else.  Sorry Hurthle Cell, Follicular, Medullary, and Anaplastic Carcinoma patients out there.  Who knows if anyone will read it anyway.  As of right now, I have NO intention of sharing the blog with my friends.  I’m doing this mostly as a journal, but also in case I can be of ANY encouragement to someone else out there who’s found themselves on a thyroid journey of their own.

Oh, and guess what? Eleanor is weaned.  Saturday was the day after my diagnosis.  She woke up early, and Rusty, still taking care of me in my post-surgical and post-diagnosis state, got up with her and fed her breakfast.  When I got up a couple of hours later, she was watching TV, but she immediately ran over and asked if she could nurse.  I said, “Let me go get some coffee.”  I kept putting her off that way to see how far I could push it (“Let me eat some breakfast…”).

Then I pulled out the big guns.  People, I got out my pedicure supplies.  I didn’t say anything to her, I just started painting my toenails.  Immediately, Eleanor propped her little tootsies up on the table and said, “I want to paint MY toenails!”  I asked her if she was ready to stop nursing and she said, “Yes!”  So I painted her toenails purple, and we went and showed Daddy, who knew full well what this meant.  He went right along with me and told her how pretty her toenails were and how she looked like such a big girl.  We went to the store and got cupcakes and a Dora balloon, and party hats and paper lanterns and a present.  We came home and had a “no more nursing” party, and sang, “No more nursing for you, No more nursing for you, You’re a Big Girl now Eleanor, No more nursing for you!” and had a grand old time.  And we are DONE.

She has asked a few times since then to nurse but is easily put off when I suggest taking her balloon and presents back to the store.

Being done is good.  I am hoping I will not need RAI, but I need to do some research on how long after weaning it’s safe.  I do not want radioactive iodine accumulating in any traces of milk my body might still be making.

There is so much more I want to talk about, but there are other days ahead, Lord willing, and this entry is already long.

Vitamin D, Naps, and Nursing

There may be a connection…but that’s not where I’m headed. :)

First…I got my Vitamin D levels checked after learning that Hashimoto’s is linked with low Vitamin D.  My levels came back as 23.3 ng/mL, which is considered “insufficient.”  Deficient would be anything below 20, and “good” levels are anything from 30-100.  So I got me some good Vitamin D3 supplements to take. I found a good deal on Vitamin Code D3 with probiotics on Amazon. Is it possible that I feel better after only 3 days?

Weaning is….going.  We’re making some progress.  The beach idea did NOT work out.  It was not pretty, people.   But yesterday I just decided that we were GOING to do this.  I picked out four books that I thought she would like and told her they were “nap time” books.  I basically tried to mimic her successful bed time routine.  We read the books, then I put her in bed with her lullaby CD on, and I sat on the end of her bed.  Day 1, Wednesday, it took 2.5 hours from the time we sat down to read until she fell asleep. I was DETERMINED not to leave that room until she fell asleep.  Day 2 was today, and it took one hour from start to finish. I am praying that it continues to get easier over the next several days.

I need to decide if I should cut out her morning nursing before surgery, if I should let surgery be the thing that ends the morning feed, or if I should continue it for a little while after surgery.

Part of making that decision will be how well she is doing with the change in her nap routine over the next few days.  I also need to find out how soon it would be safe to nurse after having general anesthesia, and how pain meds will affect things too. I don’t want Eleanor to be stressed by weaning too fast at the same time that her access to me is going to be limited by my surgery and recovery. Also, if I quit the same day as my operation, I will probably have to deal with engorgement for a day or two at the same time that I’m recovering from surgery. Not fun.  So I have lots of factors to consider.

Tomorrow is one week until surgery.  Y texted me and asked if she could put it in the church bulletin on Sunday.  My first though was, that’s kind of early, isn’t it?  Then I realized it was going to be less than a week before my surgery.  So I let her do it.  It really is almost here.

Happy Star Wars Day!

May The Fourth Be With You! Happy Star Wars Day! This has always been a favorite “holiday” in our household.

To continue the thought from yesterday, there is a third scenario that I would also REALLY like to avoid—ignoring the lumps in the left side of my neck and perpetually wondering if cancer might be hiding there—or having it show up there later and knowing I could have just had the whole shooting match over with already. I hope I don’t have to decide between the chance of taking out my thyroid needlessly and being confident that I don’t have an unidentified cancer lurking in my neck. But enough about that. We’ll deal with that on Tuesday.

Good news! Eleanor’s new bedtime routine, which I was SO dreading, went really well last night. When it was time to take her to bed last night, she asked if she could nurse. And we talked about it for a little while. I explained that Silas and Elliot don’t nurse. She laughed at that, saying, “Only little girls can nurse!”

I told her that Silas and Elliot used to nurse when they were babies, but then they stopped nursing when they got to be big. This gave her something to think about. She asked if she could nurse on the couch. When I turned her down, she asked if she could nurse in the bed. When I said, “no,” she cried, but just a little.

“But I really want to nurse,” she said. I’ll be honest, I almost caved then. But she didn’t seem hysterically distraught, just a little sad. So we went up to her room. I grabbed two bedtime books off her shelf and we sat in the rocker together—something we haven’t done in a long time—and read together. When we were done, she asked again if she could nurse. I told her that we were going to start going to bed at night without nursing. I also told her that when she was big enough to stop nursing, she would be big enough for me to paint her toenails.

She’s been really fascinated with the pink paint on my toenails since the weather got warm enough to break out the flip-flops and sandals. But I told her that she wasn’t big enough to have paint on her toes. So this offer really got her attention. She said, “I’m big enough!”

“Are you big enough to stop nursing?” I asked.

“No,” she said. But I told her again that when she was big enough, I had some paint I could use on her toenails. I’m planning to keep that talk up as motivation.

So anyway, I put a CD that I had made for her into her brand new CD player, tucked her in and turned out the lights. Rather than lying down next to her, I sat on the end of the bed.

She did amazingly well. Every time a new song came on, she asked, “Is this a lullaby?” And before I knew it, she was asleep! YAY! So that’s our new bedtime routine! Books in the rocking chair, followed by the bedtime CD! The best part is that this is something that anyone who is not lactating can replicate! Please excuse the exclamation points, but this is a REALLY big deal for our family, upcoming surgery aside. But I expect it will make my surgery and post-op time much more manageable, which is the whole point.

If this goes well for about a week, I plan to tackle nap time in much the same way. Then we will just be down to nursing first thing in the morning. To be honest, I’m not sure exactly how we’re going to handle that one. But I’ll figure out something.

One day closer to follow-up

I still have not started weaning Eleanor. Oy. I dread the tears, the sadness. Must start tonight.

I am combating “irrational” anxiety/irritability today. Using my oils. Peaceful Child, Clary Sage. They are helping. I don’t know why this happens every time I approach an appointment or the due date for test results—although from reading other people’s stories, it is pretty normal (although I hate to think of feeling like this for the next four days). Still, I want to have better control of my emotions. Especially since I am working on Silas so much to help him control his emotions. He is very volatile these days. I think he’s turning into a teenager. Double Oy.

I emailed my childbirth class student about our class that is to start on Tuesday night and gave her a heads-up that I will probably be having surgery in the next few weeks.

For some reason Elliot has cut a chunk out of the front of his hair. Now that he’s seven.  Isn’t that kind of thing usually reserved for toddlers?  (Don’t get any ideas, Eleanor!) I never know what that child is going to do. Time for summer buzz cuts.

Ok, I am going to say this, because I think it will help me to get it out. Here are the two things I feel like I cannot deal with: 1—having really bad cancer—anaplastic, or bad metastases—where it looks like I won’t live long. I feel like I cannot leave my children motherless. And 2—having my whole thyroid taken out and finding out that there was no cancer in it after all, and I would be dependent upon a daily medication for the rest of my life for nothing. Either one of those situations would make me FURIOUS. I feel like anything else is manageable. Even metastatic cancer that is controllable for the next few years, I think I could deal with. May God have mercy on me and protect me from those “worst-case” scenarios.

One Week Obsession Remission…is over

So I have been in obsession remission for several days, and it’s been pleasant. I have been calm. I still feel fairly calm, but I can feel my obsessive tendencies creeping back up on me as my follow up appointment approaches. (T minus 6 days.)

I have a lot on my mind. I have read that when a partial thyroidectomy is indicated, but there are multiple nodules on the other side, the surgeon will often recommend doing a total thyroidectomy (TT). So I am thinking about this. Dr. B’s email did indicate this might be a possible course. Here’s the breakdown: I will be VERY unhappy if I have my whole thyroid out and they do all their dissections and pathology and find there is no cancer in there anywhere.

On the flip side, I don’t love the idea of having half out and then having to have the rest out in a second surgery. Also, I am not happy with the thought of totally ignoring all the nodules (how many are there, anyway?) on the left side. So here’s my thinking. Can we do FNA (Fine Needle Aspiration–what I had done on the other nodules) on at least the largest and/or most suspicious on the left side before surgery? ‘Cause that might make our course more clear. And if I only end up having half out, I’m still gonna be wondering about the lumps in that other side.

{Side note: Silas is practicing his memory verse, “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in you…” Such good advice!}

Ok, so here’s something else: Am I going to be able to teach my childbirth class that starts next week? If (When?) I have surgery, how long will it take me to recover? This class has very little wiggle room built in because of the couple’s due date. Funny how I was really wishing for more couples to sign up; now I am kind of glad it’s just the one. So should I contact them now and give them a heads-up about the possibility of having to alter or cancel the class? Or should I wait until after my appointment when I have more info—which will be the same day as the scheduled first class. That’s one of the things I’ve allowed myself to look at online…what to expect after surgery. Looks like I may need to borrow a recliner. Recovery time seems variable, but for most at least one week before working again. Of course, I don’t have any idea how soon he will schedule surgery. If he plans it for mid-July, I have nothing to worry about–except that my recovery will run into book rush time.

Would it be really terrible to ask Aunt Sharon to come help me, like she did after Eleanor was born? I feel like I might need some assistance. One of those times I miss Mom, for SO many reasons.

Also, what about lymph nodes? Has anyone looked at these on ultrasound? Will Dr. B be on the lookout for funky looking lymph nodes in surgery?

Weaning. Is going to be. Really. Hard. I need to start…..tonight. May the Lord help me. I just don’t want things to be too difficult on Rusty if I am unable to help with bedtime for a few days after surgery. And if I do somehow end up needing RAI, I really, really need to have my breasts ready for that by being empty of milk.

And at the extreme end of my hysteria is this: I have a very faint sensation of having a lump in my throat. Has it been there for a while, and I notice it now because I know there’s an actual lump there? Or is my lump growing and starting to press on my windpipe? Or is it just in my mind because I am feeling paranoid? You won’t tell anyone how completely insane I’m becoming, will you?