Category Archives: Whining

Weaning, Whining, and Well-Wishes

Alliterative titles: cutting edge or passe?

First weaning–it’s been rocky, people,  but I think I have found the solution: Chocolate.  A couple of mornings ago, Eleanor was crying, begging to nurse.  I almost started crying myself.  But then my wise, sweet husband rescued me by offering Eleanor a precious treasure:  A Thin Mint Girl Scout cookie.  She took it and was fine.  So now, when she is asking to nurse, I offer her a piece of chocolate instead, and it is getting us over the hump.  She is asking less.

Whining–well, we can save that for later…

Well-wishes.  I have the very, very best friends and family–including my family in Christ–in the world.  I have gotten some of the sweetest cards.  The food offerings have been amazing.  A sweet sister called me on Monday with an offer to order pizza for our family.  I told her I had “canceled” the rest of our meal list because I was doing so well and knew I would need help again after my second surgery.  She said, “Well, I’d like to help you out now and later too.”  So Monday night we had pizza.

Ok, this doesn’t fit into my neat, alliterative title, but the mom of the two boys down the street with whom Silas and Elliot play almost daily came to the door yesterday to pick up one of her sons.  We don’t meet face-to-face very often–our boys usually just run up and down the street to visit with each other, and A (the mom) and I text or talk by phone as needed.  So she hadn’t seen me since all this thyroid business started.  She saw the bandage on my neck (actually a scar-reducing patch) and asked me what was going on.  I saw she had a scar on her neck too.  Because she had thyroid cancer about a year ago.  Same process as me–lobectomy, completion thyroidectomy, then RAI (which I’m hoping will NOT be part of my process) and is now on thyroid replacement.  She sees Dr. S, whom my friend S recommended to me.  I may have to still look him up, but I am going to give Dr. G a chance as my “manager” first.  It’s just one more of those “out of the woodwork” experiences for me.  (There’s the alliteration I missed–Woodwork!)

Ok, now the whining.  As always, feel free to skip the rest of this post if you don’t want to hear me complain.  I will never know the difference! :)

I don’t want to lose my thyroid.  It freaks me out.  I don’t want to deal with the process of trying to adjust my meds so that I feel right.  I don’t want to be dependent upon a drug manufacturer for my life.  I know that this is what we need to do.  I’ve read enough stories over on the Thyca boards to know that even Papillary Carcinoma can spread and grow and make my life awful, and it’s better to get the whole thyroid out and pray no lymph nodes are affected yet.

But I do. not. want. to. depend. on. a. drug. for. my. life.

I am just going to have to get over it.  But I don’t know how.  May the Lord help me overcome my anxiety.  I just have to remember that this life is not what it’s all about.

 

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It’s the good kind….Really!

“The Good Kind” is a catch phrase/byword in the thyroid cancer world.  Thyroid cancer (thyca) in general and Papillary Thyroid Carcinoma (PTC–which makes up about 75% of thyca) specifically are known as “The good kind” of cancer or, “if you’re going to have cancer, that’s the kind of cancer to have.”  There’s a reason for that….the survival rate for PTC is better than just about any other kind of cancer out there.  Some question whether it should really even count as cancer.

I know that some people hate this generally optimistic feeling about thyroid cancer, mostly because they feel that it minimizes their fears and the difficulties that treatment involves for them personally.  Also, there are some types of thyca that are not nearly as easy to treat as PTC and whose outlooks are not nearly as favorable.

So today I found out I had Papillary Thyroid Carcinoma, not Hurthle Cell Carcinoma, as I feared. And my first reaction when I saw that lab report was relief.  Because I know that PTC actually is “the good kind.”  Because HCC was really a scary thought for me.

Wanna know the crazy part?  The PTC was in that ugly looking nodule with the calcifications, the one that I originally “knew” had to be cancer.  The one that tested benign on FNA and frozen section.  The Hurthle cell lesion was just a big lump in a lumpy gland.

I guess that’s my only real whine at this point.  Why couldn’t we have just found it on the first biopsy and gotten all the surgery over to begin with?

Possible reasons:

  • I needed, for some reason, to not go around knowing I had cancer in my body for that period of time from FNA to first surgery–It was better to find out after it was out.
  • I needed time to work on a gentle weaning process for Eleanor.  More on that later…
  • I needed to be really afraid of having HCC so that PTC wouldn’t seem bad at all to me.
  • Something I haven’t even thought of yet.

Whatever the reason, I am going to trust my journey because I trust my Guide.  He knows what I need and what I can handle.

He answered my prayer to be spared HCC. He let me have a big benign lump in a visible place so that I could find the cancer that was hidden farther back in the gland.

I embrace the label “The Good Kind,” because this is NOT my mother’s cancer.

Ok, so here are the details:

  • PTC Nodule was 1.2 cm.
  • It was completely encapsulated.
  • It had no vascular invasion.
  • It was widely invasive of the capsule. (So glad it is O-U-T!)
  • It looks to be unifocal and confined to the thyroid. (That would make it stage I. This could change after the findings of the 2nd surgery.)
  • Also, I have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis (or at least I do for the next few weeks.  I think surgery will “cure” me!)

Here’s the plan:

  • Have a great VBS.
  • Go to camp and have a GREAT time!
  • 7/11, have the rest of my thyroid removed.
  • recover
  • meet with the nuclear medicine doctor and talk about whether or not I need RAI.

Somewhere in that plan I need to include finishing Eleanor’s weaning.  Rusty got up with her this morning (bright and early) and fed her some breakfast before I made an appearance.  She has asked me to nurse a couple of times, but I have been able to put her off so far.  We’re going to see how far we can go with this.  I may go get my nail polish in a minute and work on my own toenails, and see if she wants me to do hers.

Surgery today

I wasn’t thrilled when I got the call from the hospital yesterday telling me I should arrive for surgery at 12.  That’s 12 noon.  With nothing to eat or drink since midnight the night before.  The nurse who called told me that if I wanted, I could get up before five and have some dry toast and black coffee.  I elected to sleep in.

This has made me think about how entitled I feel when it comes to my three meals a day.  How abnormal is that?  I was actually starting to get irritated because I wouldn’t be able to eat this morning.  In reality, this brief moment of being a tiny bit hungry is good for me.

Praise be to God who has provided so bountifully for me all my life!  May he be with me today, and may he guide my doctor as he works on me.

My awesome Aunt Sharon is coming down to stay with the kids.

I have almost crossed off everything on my “to do before surgery” list.

I have slathered On Guard (diluted with fractionated coconut oil in a roller bottle) all over my neck area multiple times a day in an effort to wipe out any unfriendly germs living in the area to be operated on.

I am defying my NPO order by sipping on a tiny splash of water right now.

See you on the flip side.

Surgery Scheduled

Rusty went with me to my follow-up appointment with Dr. B on Tuesday.

Dr. B is going to take out the right side of my thyroid on June 7th. That’s a FRIDAY! Which means that Rusty might only have to take off the day of surgery, and maybe no one will have to come and help me.

My friend, A, has been telling me how easy her surgery was (she had the same surgery I am scheduled for), how little pain she had, and how quickly she was able to do her normal activities. Praying for a similar experience.

Dr. B does the “minimally invasive” version of the surgery, which should mean a smaller scar. They will also do initial pathology while I am in surgery, with full pathology completed afterwards. What this means is, there is a possibility they could catch a cancer before they close me up, enabling them to do a complete thyroidectomy without a second surgery. What I have read is that this pathology procedure catches about half of the cancers. The other half would have to come back for a second operation.

I was pleased that Dr. B didn’t think I needed the left lobe out at this point. He said that it looks “almost” normal. I just REALLY don’t want to be thyroid-free if it isn’t necessary.

He said that he didn’t think I will need an endocrinologist going forward, but if he thinks I am going to go around with less than half a thyroid in my neck and NOT see an endo, he has another think coming. :) I talked to S at Bible study last night, and she likes her endo a lot. She suggested I might want to see an endo before having half my thyroid out, but I’m pretty sure that no matter who I see, this is the path in front of me.

Ok, so I feel like we are doing the right thing–taking the best next step.

However, is it ok to say that I am still a little disappointed in my care? Here’s the part where I get whiny. If you would like to skip the rest of this entry, I promise I won’t get my feelings hurt. :)

Whine #1–The pathologist who looked at my FNA samples only made two slides per sample. At some labs, six slides is considered a minimum. Maybe that won’t make a difference, but two just doesn’t seem very thorough.

Whine #2–When Dr. B sent my FNA samples off, he didn’t include ANY clinical history (i.e., sample is from a mixed solid/cystic nodule measuring 2.8x 1.3x 2.9 cm), which is supposed to help the pathologist make a more accurate assessment of what he or she is looking at.

Why I am not going to make a fuss about this: Both nodules are coming OUT in less than a month. So if they’re baddies, they’ll be gone and they can find out for sure after they are out. A Hurthle Cell Lesion has to come out anyway.

A couple more interesting factoids about Hurthle Cell Lesions:

I have read conflicting reports that their malignancy rate is somewhere between 13% and 35%. That’s a pretty big range. I am banking on being under 40, having a lump smaller than 4 cm, and having (possible) Hashimoto’s thyroiditis. (Dr. B says it can’t be diagnosed by biopsy–but that’s not what I’ve read. Yet another reason to go see an Endo. Dr. S, here I come! After all this surgery hullabaloo is over.)

Interestingly, lumps diagnosed as Hurthle Cell Lesions that turn out to be malignant often are not Hurthle Cell Carcinoma. They can be any of the other kinds of Thyroid cancer–Papillary, Follicular, etc.

Enough for now. I am going to try REALLY HARD to quit thinking about this whole thing until my surgery gets here.