One Week Obsession Remission…is over

So I have been in obsession remission for several days, and it’s been pleasant. I have been calm. I still feel fairly calm, but I can feel my obsessive tendencies creeping back up on me as my follow up appointment approaches. (T minus 6 days.)

I have a lot on my mind. I have read that when a partial thyroidectomy is indicated, but there are multiple nodules on the other side, the surgeon will often recommend doing a total thyroidectomy (TT). So I am thinking about this. Dr. B’s email did indicate this might be a possible course. Here’s the breakdown: I will be VERY unhappy if I have my whole thyroid out and they do all their dissections and pathology and find there is no cancer in there anywhere.

On the flip side, I don’t love the idea of having half out and then having to have the rest out in a second surgery. Also, I am not happy with the thought of totally ignoring all the nodules (how many are there, anyway?) on the left side. So here’s my thinking. Can we do FNA (Fine Needle Aspiration–what I had done on the other nodules) on at least the largest and/or most suspicious on the left side before surgery? ‘Cause that might make our course more clear. And if I only end up having half out, I’m still gonna be wondering about the lumps in that other side.

{Side note: Silas is practicing his memory verse, “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in you…” Such good advice!}

Ok, so here’s something else: Am I going to be able to teach my childbirth class that starts next week? If (When?) I have surgery, how long will it take me to recover? This class has very little wiggle room built in because of the couple’s due date. Funny how I was really wishing for more couples to sign up; now I am kind of glad it’s just the one. So should I contact them now and give them a heads-up about the possibility of having to alter or cancel the class? Or should I wait until after my appointment when I have more info—which will be the same day as the scheduled first class. That’s one of the things I’ve allowed myself to look at online…what to expect after surgery. Looks like I may need to borrow a recliner. Recovery time seems variable, but for most at least one week before working again. Of course, I don’t have any idea how soon he will schedule surgery. If he plans it for mid-July, I have nothing to worry about–except that my recovery will run into book rush time.

Would it be really terrible to ask Aunt Sharon to come help me, like she did after Eleanor was born? I feel like I might need some assistance. One of those times I miss Mom, for SO many reasons.

Also, what about lymph nodes? Has anyone looked at these on ultrasound? Will Dr. B be on the lookout for funky looking lymph nodes in surgery?

Weaning. Is going to be. Really. Hard. I need to start…..tonight. May the Lord help me. I just don’t want things to be too difficult on Rusty if I am unable to help with bedtime for a few days after surgery. And if I do somehow end up needing RAI, I really, really need to have my breasts ready for that by being empty of milk.

And at the extreme end of my hysteria is this: I have a very faint sensation of having a lump in my throat. Has it been there for a while, and I notice it now because I know there’s an actual lump there? Or is my lump growing and starting to press on my windpipe? Or is it just in my mind because I am feeling paranoid? You won’t tell anyone how completely insane I’m becoming, will you?

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