(Up until now, I’ve been summing up what’s happened without dates. From here on out it’s live, on-the-scene reporting of the thoughts in my head. Exciting, I know. From this point until May 4 –the day I copied all these older entries into the blog–I have edited the time stamps to match the dates on which I wrote each entry, so that they will appear in order.)
It’s Saturday. Such a beautiful, amazing Saturday. We ran to Lowe’s and got some mulch, composted cow manure—the good stuff, right?—and of course, plants. When we pulled up, Eleanor actually said, “Is this more plants, Daddy?” Smart girl.
I actually did something today—I mean outside of the bare minimum house maintenance and cooking I’ve been up to lately. I weeded my porch garden. It was nice to clear out the beds, and wonderful to discover lots of earthworms in there. I’m about to go out there and plant some garlic.
I also caught up this journal thing. It’s funny, because I might find out next week (I almost typed Monday, and then I stopped myself. But surely next week, right?) that I don’t have cancer at all and I have wasted all of this time obsessing and journaling and whatnot. Except that I am really glad that I have learned about thyroid cancer. It is, after all, the fastest growing cancer today.
I am trying to hold back from assuming I have cancer. Wouldn’t that be awesome, if I didn’t? But I admit I do kind of assume it. I also have a lot of random thoughts bopping around in my head. Here are some of them:
What if I am dependent upon artificial thyroid hormones, and the economy collapses, and the drug manufacturers quit making it? I know that’s far out. But it has occurred to me.
I am dreading weaning Eleanor. She really likes to nurse. I have already cut out all breastfeeding except for first thing in the morning, nap time, and bedtime. I contemplated preemptively starting to wean her, but decided that I wouldn’t make a real effort unless I got a cancer diagnosis. However, once a diagnosis is made, I am going to work determinedly on it, to get it done as quickly as can be humanely done. The reason is that besides the fact that I can’t let my baby have radioactive breast milk and would have to be isolated from her for at least 10 days if I had RAI treatment, iodine collects in breast milk, and then the last thing I need is radioactive material concentrated for a long time in my breasts. Having RAI would already increase my odds of breast cancer. I don’t intend to help it along.
Also, I keep running over the list of the times I’ve had x-ray radiation on my neck. What I’ve read indicates that diagnostic x-rays don’t deliver enough to cause thyroid cancer, but does that mean just one diagnostic x-ray? How many? At least one study suggests that there may be a link between dental x-rays and thyroid cancer. So here’s the run down, as I remember it:
- As a newborn, my head was x-rayed a few times to make sure my skull sutures hadn’t already joined. I wonder if Dad remembers how many times.
- I’ve had several sets of dental x-rays, from child hood up until…the last time I went to the dentist. I can’t remember for which of these, if any, my thyroid was protected by a lead shield.
- I had scoliosis when I was in junior high school. I know of at least two x-rays of my spine, including my neck area, were done at that time. The irony is that I remember my doctor shielded my breasts at that time. However, since he was going for a image of my vertebrae, shielding my neck was not what he wanted to do.
- I was in a car wreck with a minor head injury when I was in my early twenties. I know I had at least one x-ray at that time.
- Dr. R, my chiropractor did x-rays when I first became his patient. I remember discussing whether it was a good idea, since I have always been against unnecessary radiation at any time. He told me that the radiation was minimal and that the x-rays were important to my treatment. I insisted he shield my ovaries, saying “All the eggs I’ll ever have are in there.” Again, getting a shot of my neck vertebrae was part of what he was trying to do, so shielding my thyroid wouldn’t have made sense.
I think that’s all the x-rays of my head and/or neck area that I’ve had. One thing I’ve been thinking about is that I have no idea if my children have had their necks shielded when they’ve had dental x-rays. You had better believe that I will be super vigilant about that from now on.
I guess that’s what I’m most thankful for in all of this right now. Whether I have cancer or not, I have learned a lot about thyroid cancer. I have become aware. And as the continuum concept folks are fond of saying, “Once your consciousness has been raised, it cannot be lowered.”